Fight………

HOW THE FIGHT STARTED 
 
I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road the driver slowly gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny? 
 
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF! 
 
He storms over to my car, looks […]

Bubba

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,
so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and
Gomer. The three men had always done everything
together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled
back the sheet, Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned
up pretty bad. You […]

Things to ponder

Things To Ponder
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: “If you see me running, try to keep up.”
- Don’t you think it’s unnerving that doctors call what they do “Practice”?
- You have […]

Faceball

Faceball
A new fabulous game for those slow days at the office.  Worth exploring and learning.  If you have an office, you should be ashamed for not knowing and playing faceball.

Excuses for not coming to work

Excuses for Not Coming to Work
- I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
- My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart […]

High School Musical

I was on my home with my 6 year old, after dropping of his big sister and brother at High School Musical parties.  He asked with sheer terror in his voice, “Mom, do I have to sing to go to high school?”

Two Hillbillies

Two Hillbillies
Two hillbillies walk into a Dairy Queen. While having a couple of
Blizzards, they talk privately about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, eating a chicken sandwich,
begins To cough. After a while, it becomes apparent that she is in real
Distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kinyaswallar?’
The woman shakes her […]

We are friends

We are friends.
You and I are friends,
You smile, I smile,
You hurt, I hurt,
You cry, I cry,
You jump off a bridge,
I will miss your emails!!

Think about it

Think About It
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole […]

Bored? Check this out

I liked this so much I added it to my goof off page. Just a great little flash interactive thing to keep you busy when you should be working.

Click here

Squeeze, rub, groom and done!

“Squeeze, rub, groom and done!” Yes, this is my lesson for the day. My first lesson I am adding to my journal (blog for today), documenting for future generations to read. I have decided to keep a journal of all the things I learn. Maybe it will be something I can someday pass on to […]

Eyebrows

Why?
Why is it that women are allowed to completely shave off their eyebrows and then draw them back on with a pencil, yet men that do the same with their chest and ass hair are considered freaks?
Ladies, puck and shape as much as you like, use an eyebrow pencil to fill in, but understand, eyebrows […]

Your age math challenge for 2007

Just fun…..
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week
that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this
year add 1757…
If you haven’t, add 1756.

Woman in the mirror

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to
her husband, “I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a
compliment”.
The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect”.
He never heard the shot…………

Two nuns

There were two nuns.. ?
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM).
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he […]

Travel advice

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train….
1.Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make sure the guy who won’t leave you alone can see the screen.
5. Open this email.
6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
7. […]

Translations

Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, “shit happens”
Buddhism: If shit happens, it really isn’t shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Mohammedism: If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?

Three women in heaven

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the clouds!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are clouds all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a cloud, and although they […]